Liesel Hindmann yesterday posted her Six Reasons You Should Support The Extraordinary Contraptions Kickstarter. I immediately thought, “Six? That’s such a wussy number. Seven, now. Seven is way better than six. If only Liesel had seven reasons then The Extraordinary Contraptions would probably already have soared through their fund raising goal and be headed directly for the first down payment on their airship.”
Liesel, I’m very disappointed in you. However, I am not without resources and imagination myself, so I have taken up the gauntlet that was laid down oh-so-close to that magic number seven. Therefore we have…
Seven Reasons to Support The Extraordinary Contraptions’ Kickstarter!
- If you do not, then their nemesis, Captain Thorngauge, just might be clandestinely alerted to the precise dimensional coordinates of your residence. He may arrive with his airship pirates and do to your home what he did to the village of Dimitri and Aelus Von Stadberg. You may be familiar with Thorngauge as he is prominently featured in the song eponymously titled Thorngauge as well as Downfall and in an upcoming song titled Hinderscipe Lament. He is also mentioned as enemy number one, the target of Captain William MacLeod, in Prelude for the Nocturnis. When you get the album, and you listen to Hinderscipe Lament, you may hear someone in the crowd scene shout “He raped a Fraggle!” because he did. He’s that evil. You don’t want him showing up at your house. Go contribute.
- The incentives are awesome. For $20, you get the album in physical “late twentieth century” form factor, plus an electronic version free of the nasty ripping artifacts that iTunes and your CD drive like to give you. You’ll also get six exclusive live recordings which will not be on the album. At $30 you start getting concert tickets. At $50 you get a brass kazoo! Who doesn’t need a brass kazoo so that you can mass together with all your brass-kazoo-band-friends and play the imperial march while they come on stage? Plus you’ll all get radioactive flying ponies as a bonus gift. Or you may not. What I’m saying is that the pledge gifts are awesome. But you can’t have them if you don’t support the campaign.
- Because I’m asking you to, and as my minion you must do as I say! It’s in the contract. What, you don’t have the contract? Well, you signed it, even if you don’t remember. That was the drug in your brownie, affecting your long term memory. I’ve got it right here, and it says, “…[undersigned] minion to obey directives.” So go support the Kickstarter.
- The third album contains some of the best songs yet, and you’ll get them before anyone else. Way before anyone else because I’m told by an impeccable source that so long as the temporal bi-resonator is operating correctly, you’ll get them before you’ve even pledged! That’s right. The album is probably sitting on your pillow right now! But it won’t be, unless you’ve gone to the Kickstarter page and contributed.
- Because independent artists such as The Extraordinary Contraptions need the support of their fan base to continue making their awesomesauce1 music. Each of the members have full time day-jobs and without merchandise sales and this Kickstarter the music doesn’t get produced. By contributing even a small amount you are helping a band make its way and you are getting their music in return. Don’t hesitate, call now!
- The $2,500 that the band is asking for is the cost for album production which includes pressing the discs, obtaining photography and art, designing the album cover/inserts/goodies, and some of the incentives in the Kickstarter. If you help get them over the top and onward, they’ll be able to do even cooler things, and may not have to ask for upfront money for album number four. It is depressing but true that it’s often not about how good you are, but how many people know you are out there, and with a successful fund raising and album release, the band will be able to extend the reach of their nefarious musical tentacles (which is a good thing). If you are for the arts and artists, go help them out. If you’re an anti-American Nazi who enjoys barbequed baby, you should still contribute because it will help you maintain your cover.
- Because until everyone I know, or think I know, or may have met once down the pub, has helped The Extraordinary Contraptions meet their needs, I’m not going to shut up about it. If you want me to just please stop bothering you, you need to go and contribute some funds.
Remember, you don’t get charged unless the funds goal is met, so even if you hate these guys you can rest assured in the knowledge that there is no way they’ll make their goal; that you’ll never have to shell out that $2,000 pledge you just made. Trust me. It’ll be fine. Have some of this nice brownie.
- Yes, I did just adjectivize a nouned adjective [↩]
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