24 Character Joke

Those people on Twitter are familiar with the 140 character limit for postings. That makes for condensed humor in its purest form.

I, however, need to come up with a joke that occupies no more than 24 characters and is worthy of being found on my dead body.


I have a nice discount on a Road ID, which is an anklet you wear while running or biking which carries important info like your name, contact information for people who can make decisions for you, allergies, etc. You get five 24 character lines. I’ve got my Name, 3 people to call in case of a problem, and NO KNOWN ALLERGIES. That leaves one last line for a joke to amuse the paramedics.

Please submit all entries either here, on Facebook, or on twitter. I’ll announce the winner next week and it will be worn on my body for the forseeable future! The Prize is Cookies!

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23 Responses to 24 Character Joke

  1. Chris says:

    Actually “The Prize is Cookies!” might not be bad.

    How about:

    “Dr said run 4 my health.”
    “Bucket list not done yet”
    or maybe
    “I’m watching you now.”

  2. brian says:

    How about
    “A seal walks into a club”

  3. Mike L says:

    It’s slightly too long if you count the spaces, but I’m partial to “If found drop in any mailbox.” Consider it a new take on government-run health care…

  4. Bill Ruhsam says:

    @Mike L. Oooo…I like that one. That’s a front runner and you could easily shorten it to “If Found Drop in Mailbox” which is precisely 24 characters.

  5. Mike L says:

    Assuming you have actual phone numbers on there for your emergency contacts, you could always go out with a sales pitch: “Call now, limited supply.”

  6. Mike L says:

    Or, if you prefer to antagonize your would-be rescuers, there’s always:
    “Runner carries no cash”
    “No returns if damaged”
    or “Return with receipt only”

  7. Tom Sisson says:

    Here is what I’ve come up with, in order of favorites:

    Fatal exception! Debug?
    Hit Ctrl + Alt + Delete
    Please hit reset button
    Pining for the Fjords
    Call Dr. Gregory House
    You see dead people too

    Can you tell I’m a computer geek?
    BTW, I can’t get to your FB profile… odd.

  8. Bill Ruhsam says:

    @Tom: Those are some good ones!

    I’ve got no idea about the facebook thing. The link I inserted was the only one I could find, despite its ugliness.

  9. Marion says:

    The Spanish Inquisition
    I’m not dead yet!
    Definitely an ex-parrot.
    It’s just a flesh wound.
    ‘Tis but a scratch!
    I’ve had worse.
    Bring me a shrubbery!
    I’m getting better.

    sorry…having a Monty Python kind of week…

  10. Listener says:


    Hey, might as well advertise, right?

  11. Bill Ruhsam says:

    @Listener: BUY MICROSOFT @ $50!

    Random might work, too.

    “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!” Although that does not fit.

  12. Mike L says:

    Confuse the paramedics: Follow “no known allergies” with “some unknown allergies”

    Keep the doctors at bay: “Lawyer on retainer”

    Spoil the ending for the police: “The butler did it”

    Make everyone paranoid: “Beware the ides of March”

    Make everyone panic: “Danger Highly Contagious”

  13. Bill Ruhsam says:

    Transfers from Facebook:

    Terry Farrar: If lost, please return
    Chris Farrar: “a boot to the head”
    “who got their wish?”
    Cecily Steele: “Please check EMTs for scythes”
    Bill von Achen: “Inmate #1337″
    Dave Nangle: “It’s only a flesh wound”

  14. James Cronen says:


    “Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn!” does fit however.

  15. Tom Sisson says:

    The Castle of Aauugghh!
    You must now avenge me!
    Kill Bill Volume 1973 (or other favorite prime number)

  16. Chris says:

    How about:

  17. Rob Cain says:

    Reward only if kept alive

    Oral thermometers only

    Do not steal

    How do you like my bling?

  18. Marion says:

    What are you looking at?
    Stop touching me!
    Can you hear me now?

  19. James Cronen says:

    My contributions:

    “Stop staring! Call 911!”
    “Donate to the Rockettes”

    Possibly more later. Entries I mean. Hell, actually that kind of works too if your leg is dismembered, so I’ll just add that AS an entry:

    “Possibly more later.”

  20. Chris says:

    An odd coincidence that about an hour after I posted my “Khaaaan!” entry, Scalzi added a like titled post to his blog.


  21. Annie says:

    “Well, doesn’t this suck!”

    I’m of mixed mind on whether the final punctuation should be an exclamation point or a question mark.

  22. Pingback: The Evil Eyebrow » Poll Test

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