The Evil Eyebrow

Category: Fiction

  • Movie Reviews

    I’ve been a critic of movie critics for a good long time now. I have found that they do not jive with my own views (usually) so there’s no real point in listening to them when I’m going to go see the movie anyhow and formulate my own opinion.

    Then I moved to Atlanta, and started receiving the NY Times emails every morning. I have found the Atlanta Journal Constitution and NY Times reviews to be cogent and accurate (again, with my own humble opinions) so I’ve started relying on them for pre-viewing movie screening.

    That does not, however, keep them from occasionally going off the deep end. For example, from the NY Times critic Manohlan Dargis concerning Superman Returns:

    Mr. Singer expends much more time and many more resources to do pretty much the same, erasing part of the past to create what is essentially a new and considerably more sober sequel to the first two films, one that shakes the earthiness off Superman and returns him to the status of a savior. There’s always been a hint of Jesus (and Moses) to the character, from the omnipotence of his father to a costume that, with its swaths of red and blue, evokes the colors worn by the Virgin Mary in numerous Renaissance paintings. It’s a hint that proves impossible not to take.

    I’m sorry, but I don’t believe I’ve ever taken the hint about Superman and the Virgin Mary. Silly me.

    Apparently, there is quite a bit about the Superman/Virgin Mary thing. 91,800 hits as of today.

    Jesus! (exactly)

    Jenn and I saw this movie last night. Review to follow.

  • WWAD

    What Would Aslan Do?

    This link has been sitting in my “to blog about” folder for a while. It neatly sums up my feelings concerning the media warriors and their interpretations of the facts surrounding us.

    I hate being lumped in with a group and then told what I think. The problem stems from the old quote attributed to Benjamin Disraeli, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” Give me enough data and I can prove anything, or at least seem to prove anything. Correlation does not imply causality, and just because Chronicles of Narnia did so well worldwide is not because we are all secretly seeking our savior.

    What would Aslan do? Aslan would probably tell us to go jump off a cliff. Sometimes a movie is just a movie.

    I wonder what it means that I’m such a big fan of Forrest Gump?

  • Two (at least) Harry Potter Characters Die

    According to the canonical source, Ms. J. K. Rowling, author of the series, Harry Potter and the *, two characters (at least) will croak in the seventh and final book. From an article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

    During an interview broadcast Monday on Britain’s Channel Four, Rowling revealed that at least two characters will buy it but was careful not to say who.

    The author also noted that the last chapter of the seventh book was written awhile ago.

    “The final chapter is hidden away, although it’s now changed very slightly,” she said in the interview. “One character got a reprieve, but I have to say two die that I didn’t intend to die.”

    Hmmmm…

    <SPECULATION>
    Methinks that she has always intended Voldemort to be killed in this last book, so that bumps the minimum number of character deaths to three, given a reading of that last line above. Questions will now abound about who the other two are.

    Of course, she has a lot of people to choose from. There’s all the members of the Order of the Phoenix. It could be Lupin or Moody or a dozen other people. If, like some of us believe, the seventh book still revolves around Hogwarts, any of the teachers are fair game, plus all the students, people in Hogsmead, etc. And don’t forget the character cast from the Ministry! Literally, there are dozens of “characters” that might find their way under Ms. Rowlings diabolical pen. When she said “characters” she might have been throwing us ye olde vermillion herring. She didn’t say “main characters” after all.

    For my money:

    • Voldemort dies, killed by Harry by way of the prophecy and Voldemort’s interpretation of it.
    • Snape dies, in a final act of “redemption” in order to save Harry. This dovetails from Harry’s ruminations in The Half Blood Prince regarding all of the people who have sacrificed themselves for him (Dad, Mom, Sirius, Dumbeldore). Snape will be the final card in that flush, I think. Although, Snape might possibly get the “reprieve” mentioned above. And, I quotated “redemption” because I don’t believe that Snape is part of the Dark Side. I think he’s following some deep plan of Dumbledore’s.
    • Moody dies. This is just a guess, but that man wouldn’t be happy dying in his bed. He’d be more likely to go out in a blaze of glory, battling the Death Eaters.

    I do not think that J.K.Rowling will kill Harry or Ginny, Ron, or Hermione, although I’m a bit up in the air concerning Ginny. No, now that I think about it, I don’t think Ginny will be killed.

    </SPECULATION>

    That’s about it for me. Feel free to speculate on your own time.

    OH OH OH! I almost forgot…

    <SPOILER>

    Beware of Spoilers! If you’ve been living under a rock, you probably don’t know of what I am about to speak…

    Where are the Horcruxes (Horcrucae? Horcruces?)? It is commonly accepted amongst H.P. fans that R.A.B., who placed the note into the locket retrieved at the end of Half Blood Prince was Regulus Black, who was a death eater and was killed after he tried to back out of his evil commitments.

    I recently re-read the series and noticed that the locket we are all assuming is the real horcrux (found in the cabinet in the living room of Black Manor in Order of the Phoenix) was being cleaned up at the time of mention! They were placing all the things found in that cabinet into bags and then…who knows? What did they do with the bags? Where did the locket go? The next scene in that room implies that there wasn’t anything left in the cabinets, if the cabinets themselves were even still there. So, will Harry Potter be going dumpster diving to find the next horcrux? We shall see…

    </SPOILER>

    And speaking of speculation, I can’t be alone thinking that the final horcrux that Voldemort intended to make with Harry’s death when he was a child is now resident in Harry’s scar. Yes? No? Anyone?

  • American Gods

    I finished American Gods, yesterday. It was pretty good, although it made me wish I was more familiar with Norse, Native American, Indian, Irish, French, German, etc., mythology before I read the book.

    Quick synopsis: Immigrants brought with them their Gods. America is not a good place for Gods. Gods need to do something to survive. Go.

    It is not a slam-bam wow book, but it is good. I would recommend it.

  • Shameless Mercantilism? Or Laziness?

    The astute among you (or the not-so-blind) will notice the Amazon Links on the sidebar of the blog.

    Don’t get all huffy! I don’t expect to make any money with this thing. I’ve let my book list die over the last year or so, and have recently decided it needs to make some sort of comeback. I’ve seen on www.sfsignal.com a nice sidebar that lists what people are currently reading and thought “gee, that looks cool. I should do that!”

    Voila! Although I’m not currenlty satisfied. I do not like how blatantly commercial it all looks (although I used the option to not show prices, as you can see. I don’t really care if anybody clicks through and buys these books on my account. I don’t really care if I get any checks from amazon for sending people their way. I just want a low maintenance, non hassling way to get book titles and images up on my blog.

    Come back later and see if it has changed. I’ll tweak it as time goes by.

  • Moronic Self Loathing = "Treasure Hunt"

    I just wasted 45 minutes of my life. Usually, I don’t mind pissing away the allotted time I have before death, but this time, I resent it right down to my toenails.

    We Tivo’d NBC’s Treasure Hunt (to which I refuse to hyperlink) this evening. We sat down and started up the Tivo and slowwwwly our brains melted away.

    Quick synopsis: Several teams of three persons are given clues in a competitive race to be first to find a treasure. I imagine this is NBC’s response to The Great Race, but I’ve never watched that so I can’t say for certain.

    This has got to be the most inane, moronic, stupid, insipid, and even degrading show I’ve watched in years! There’s no “hunt” about this treasure hunt. Each team is given a very specific path to follow and they can’t move on until they’ve got it right. I was hoping the helicopters waiting to take the Alaskan teams on their second trip would allow them to go to the wrong spot, but alas, that was not how the producers wanted it to be. They could not move until they’d figured the clue out correctly. Damn stupid.

    Suffice to say, I’ll not be watching any more of that tripe.

    [my apologies to all Tripe lovers in the world]

    UPDATE: After ranting above, I found this article that reviews the show. The man who writes that review talks about the product placement in the show, namely that each team is equipped with a Laptop with special access to Ask.com, a Visa Card, and a Motorola Razor. This sort of thing is normal, except, of course, for the Razor to Ring Ring Ring while they’re in the middle of freaking nowhere Alaska and Hawaii. Pardon me, but I didn’t see the cell tower mounted to the glacier nearby.

    I’m still pissed about this show. I watched all three seasons of Average Joe, but there at least I knew what I was in for, and got what I bargained for. NBC is soooo going down in my estimation.

  • Prairie Home, Hurricanes, and Levi's Call

    Messy title, for a messy post. Here goes…

    We saw A Prairie Home Companion on Friday. I confess that I had high expectations for this movie, given the character of the radio show from Minnesota Public Radio. We arrived a few minutes before show time and didn’t have any problem getting seats. Let’s just say that if I had to pick the type of people who would show up for this movie, you would have found them all sitting around us. I felt like the cast of a Woody Allen movie.

    Speaking of a Woody Allen movie, one was advertised during previews. Again, surprise, surprise. This one looks interesting, however, and it has Scarlett Johannsen and Hugh Jackman in it, which is always good for me.

    Movie Review: Clustered and Claustrophobic. There were times when all of the actors (and this was a Who’s Who of Hollywood) were talking incessantly at the same time, and it was driving me nuts. Just SHUT UP people! If that’s what really toes goes on behind curtains at the show, I don’t understand why there haven’t been murders. There was no overarching theme that I could detect, merely several interwoven plot lines that didn’t seem to have much to do with each other. Given that Garrison Keillor wrote this, I’m sure there were deep dark levels of meaning and symbology that I missed, but I don’t go to movies to sit and THINK about them. I’m not an indie foreign film kind of guy. Overall, I was disappointed, especially because it seemed like nothing ever happened. The whole movie was just…nothing ever happening. Very annoying. For reference, my favorite character throughout was Guy Noir, played by Kevin Kline.

    If you want a glowing comment, go to the imdb site and read it. I’d recommend it as a rental for anyone who’s interested. Don’t pay the $8.50 to see it in the theater.

    Next up! The Carolina Hurricanes sure got served last night. I don’t recall any Stanley Cup game 6’s where one team sucked quite that badly. They should give up and join the Atlanta Braves, who are plumbing the depths of suckedness right now.

    Lastly, and this is more of a rant than anything else, but you would figure, if a state goes through all of the effort to set up an AMBER Alert system (missing child notification, which is a Levi’s Call in Georgia), and especially in the Atlanta Metropolitan area where we use highway message boards, radio calls, cable tv alerts, etc., that I would be able to find information regarding said alert when it appears across my spanish-language World Cup channel!

    Nope! All of the relevant Georgia Bureau of Investigation websites are hosed, probably by people trying to get the info on the alert. All of the local news channels have…nothing on their webpages regarding this. Georgia-Navigator, which is the website for the Georgia DOT and it’s traffic management system has nothing.

    The System is not working… So much for Big Brother. I Just checked again and all of the georgia.gov websites are still hosed. Maybe georgia should invest in some more servers…

    Update 1253: Still no findable information on the AMBER Alert. The Georgia-navigator site at least is showing that the message boards around town are displaying “CHILD ABDUCTION ALERT, BLUE CHEVY S-10 P/U, TAG UNKNOWN.” GBI’s website for Levi’s call doesn’t have any current info, it’s solely about the requirements for issuing a Levi’s Call. Blah blah blah. The system isn’t working!

  • Googledemort?

    Performing my duty as the NY Times’ bitch, I mention this story (which you probably won’t be able to access after today) wherein they speak of a new data center that Google is building in Oregon.

    The fact that Google is behind the data center, referred to locally as Project 02, has been reported in the local press. But many officials in The Dalles, including the city attorney and the city manager, said they could not comment on the project because they signed confidentiality agreements with Google last year.

    “No one says the ‘G’ word,” said Diane Sherwood, executive director of the Port of Klickitat, Wash., directly across the river from The Dalles, who is not bound by such agreements. “It’s a little bit like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in Harry Potter.”

    Heh heh. Voldemort and Google are teaming up to take over the world! Maybe Bill Gates is Voldemort? Nahhhh. He’s too “pretty.”

  • Pern on Film

    There is news that Anne McCaffrey’s world of Pern will be brought to film sometime soon. We’ve heard this before, of course, but this one looks more positive. Ms. McCaffrey mentioned that there were negotiations ongoing when we saw her at Dragon*Con last September.

    I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I love this series (with a couple exceptions) and it’s mythos. Seeing it on Film or TV would be great! On the other hand, I love this series and I’d hate to see it trashed by shitty filming, directing, acting, re-writing or whatever. I harken back to the first movie made out of Dune and shudder to think what could happen to Pern.

    Hopefully, if it happens, they won’t screw it up too badly.

  • Mission: Unwatchable

    We saw Mission: Impossible III, last night, a serious waste of my precious time. This movie was so disjointed, such a strange mix of action and “feeling” that I still feel a bit whiplashed.

    J.J. Abrams directed and helped to write this movie. It certainly shows. As you may be aware, I’ve expressed my opinion regarding another of Mr. Abrams’ creations, and I believe that the first two seasons of Alias continue to be his only worthwhile accomplishment.*

    Tom Cruise’s scientology-inspired freakiness now permeates everything he does, to the product’s detriment, and was it me, or did his girlfriend in the movie look like Katie Holmes? I liked P.S. Hoffman in his sociopath role, and Laurence Fishburn also did a credible job as the head IMF bossman, although shades of Morpheus snuck through. There were plenty of explosions and lots of death-defying chases and the requisite baseball pitching machine that you see in every credible action flik. I have a list of questions the length of my leg that are similar to, “Why didn’t the sniper just SHOOT Ethan instead of having the drone come by and blow him up with missiles?” I suppose those sorts of questions happen in every action film, but True Lies still sets the bar—in my own very humble opinion—for plausible explosions and crazy shit (other than the flying-a-Harrier-with-one-hand thing).

    Nevermind! I could go on for hours. Suffice to say, I won’t be seeing this movie ever again, and the only reason I would tell someone to see it is so we can complain about it together afterwards.

    *Did you know that J.J. Abrams wrote Armageddon, a movie so bad in its science that I’ve been known to vomit profusely on the TV whenever it’s shown? Well, maybe not that bad, but it’s the worst space movie in a long time. Space Cowboys is a close second.