Bad Movies!

I watched In the Name of the King last night, a movie that I was fully aware was supposed to be horribly bad. I still wanted to see it, despite the reviews, just to say I’d seen it and fully experienced its badness. If you feel the same way I did, that you just have to see the movie, I encourage you to resist.

The entertaining moments in this film are entertaining due to their “what the fuck is up with that?” factor rather than any contribution they make to the plot or story. The spinning-twirling-choreographed tree-ninjas are one such item, as are the amazonian cirque du soleil vine people. Also, it’s important to remember than if you’re going to go all bad-ass and place yourself in the catapult’s launch bucket, it’s much more fun to do it while on fire.

Burt Reynolds (Smokey Himself!) is the King and must have been stoned off his ass when he agreed to take this part. Leelee Sobieski has a speaking part in the movie although I’m not yet certain what her role was. She doesn’t even show much leg skin, which was disappointing. Jason Statham is the star and does a normal amount of ass-kicking, although the development of his ass-kicking-ness ability is handwaved away (he’s a farmer, after all, and always was). Ray Liotta has demonstrated that he’ll take any part, no matter how terrible, and Matthew Lilliard reprises his role from Scream with much derring-do but little resolution.

I saw it, now I can move on.

Speaking of bad movies, here’s a revised script of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal OH MY GOD PLEASE LET IT STOP Skull.

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