The Evil Eyebrow

All photo credits are due to Jennifer Bowie

Yesterday, I finished my second triathlon, the Peachtree International, which was an Olympic distance tri: 1500 meter swim, 40k bike, 10k run. For the metrically challenged amongst you, and there better not be too many of those reading my blog, that’s 0.93 mile swim, 24.8 mile bike, and a 6.2 mile run. Amusingly (at least for me) the staff of the PIT seem to believe that metric is too much for their athletes and give all the distances in english units. The correct Olympic distances are as noted in Systeme International, though. 15:25 Update: I re-read this entry and realized that I sounded a bit snarky about the PIT staff, concerning the metric/english thing. Let me state for the record that I think the staff and volunteers of the race did a fabulous job and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend this race to anyone and I’ll definitely be there again.

The race went well and I finished with a time of 2:54:36, just a hair slower than I had thought I would do. One thing I learned (again) was that open water swimming is really nothing like swimming in a lane in a pool. This is a lesson that was forced upon me during my first triathlon last year, but it was reiterated with a vengeance during the swim portion of this race. For one thing, 1500 meters, while not that far if you’re lap swimming, looks like a long way when you gaze out across the swim course¹. This was disconcerting. For another, and again, I knew this already, swimming in open water involves things like waves and having to sight on the distant buoys. This means you have difficulty getting into a rythym with your stroke. I certainly did. It took me about 10 minutes before I felt comfortable. I need to swim in the lakes around here more often this summer plus I need to practice swimming in a straight line. I hook my stroke when I get fatigued.

I came out of the water at 32:29, 2:29 behind when I thought I would. You can see me crossing the mind-control devices that they use to make sure you’re voting for the right candidate this fall.

First transition was quick and efficient. I have not graduated to the level of not wearing socks yet. Socks, of course, take time to put on, which adds 15-30 seconds to your final time. I’d tried running without my socks last week and it would have been major blister city if I didn’t wear any. Therefore: socks. You can see me sitting on my ass, hidden behind the dude in front, putting on socks and my bike shoes. I was very light headed and dizzy during this transition so sitting down seemed the easiest and quickest way to get things on my feet. My transition time was efficient and I don’t think I could have shaved more than a few seconds without going to socklessness.

The bike course was challenging but not crazy difficult. Jenn and I had driven the course the day before so I knew that I had to save energy for some long hills between miles 9 and 18². The hills were tough on the way up, but they were fun on the way down. I broke 40 mph on one of them. One of the nice things about triathlons is that you’re generally starting and ending in the same place ergo 0 net elevation change.

There was plenty of normal car traffic during the hilly part of the race; people who obviously didn’t realize that the yellow line down the middle of the road wasn’t going to puncture their tires. Hey! Drivers! Just freaking pass already! Having a minivan driving right behind and to my left is very annoying, plus at one point I had to hit my brakes to avoid passing another car on the right, which I didn’t feel was safe.

I completed the bike course faster than I expected with an average speed of 17.7 mph³. Initially, I was thinking 18 mph was going to be my speed, then I saw the hills. I’m satisifed with that pace. If there’s one thing I can do to improve my triathlon times, it’s work on my biking. Raw strength goes a long way on the bike.

The second transition was smooth and serene, the only hiccup was that I forgot to take off my bike gloves before getting off my bike, so that ate up maybe 10 seconds. I removed the bike shoes and helmet, yanked on the running shoes (conveniently laced with Yankz laces) and was off on my 10k run.

If you’ve never run a multiport race, you probably don’t realize just how hard it is to go from biking to running. Your legs are working in a different fashion when on a bicycle and the change to a running stride is uncomfortable at best and downright excrutiating at worst. Thankfully, this transition was closer to uncomfortable than excrutiating. Unfortunately, my nutrition plan wasn’t doing me wonders and I spent the first mile of the run beset by cramps and trying not to vomit. My first mile was about a 10:30 split and my finish split of the 6.2 miles being 56:43 should give you some indication of how much that first mile hurt. I think my final mile split was about 8:15. I wasn’t keeping track on my watch. Suffice to say, I need to do something different on my nutrition next time.

Something that screwed with my head on the run portion: Between miles two and three, I had a person behind me clopping along like a clydesdale with a turnover (step frequency) just a tiny bit faster than mine. You wouldn’t think it (I certainly didn’t) but this really screwed with my pacing. I kept locking into his turnover, realizing it was too fast, going back to mine, then popping back into his due to the loudness of his footsteps. It messed with my breathing and my pace. I guess that is something I need to work on mentally for next time.

That’s me crossing the finish line. I finished strong without collapsing. Overall I felt good when I was done, but didn’t think I could go any farther. Today, I’m sore, but not devastatingly so. I’ll be fine tomorrow.

Lessons Learned:

1. Body Glide on the armpits if I’m wearing a sleveless shirt. I’ve got a bit of a chaff mark on my left armpit
2. Olympic Distance Triathletes are a lot more serious than sprint-distance. The average bike is a serious tri-bike and the average athlete really means it. Sprint distance has a lot more people who are just there for the hell of it.
3. Bring warmup sweats for cool mornings. The picture of me in my swim cap at the top shows me wearing my rain shell. That was a last minute addition, and thankfully I brought it along, because it was 55 degrees that morning.

List of stuff I brought:

• Bike w/ attached tool and tire repair kit
• Pump
• Toolkit with rags and lube and pedal wrench
• 2 water bottles
• Towel to layout transition stuff
• Helmet
• Bike Computer
• Flip Flops (to wear ’til just before the swim entry. Cheap and disposable in case someone runs off with them)
• Bike Shoes
• Running Shoes
• Race number belt
• Bike Gloves (I’ll have to start training without these so that I can dispose of them on this list)
• Socks (I seem to do ok without socks in my bike shoes, but I still blister up in my running shoes. Have to work on that in order to get rid of socks)
• Swim Goggles
• Sun glasses
• Sunscreen
• Morning of race, Breakfast (Luna Bar)
• Nutrition (4 Gu Packs)
• 1 Grocery bag to haul stuff to the race
• Flashlight, in case it’s dark when you pump your tires (need to be able to read the pressure gauge)

List of Stuff I forgot:

• Chapstick
• USAT Card
• Red Gatorade for after the race (the yellow lemon/lime stuff makes my teeth hurt)
• 1 more grocery bag because all of my stuff didn’t fit into just one bag. Maybe use my backpack?
• Warm up clothes to wear before the race begins
• Body Glide

I’m getting better at this triathlon thing. Another time or two and I should have the list of stuff to bring refined down to its core elements.

My Times:
Swim - 32:29 (20/39 in my age group) 2:10 per 100 m pace
T1 - 2:04 (13/39)
Bike - 1:22:16 (31/39)
T2 - 1:07 (11/39)
Run - 56:43 (30/39)
Total - 2:54:36 (26/39)

I placed 163/302 overall. Not bad.

Some interesting analysis of the results (all within my age group, here):

• My quick transition times were the difference between placing 26th in my age group and 28th.
• The guy who came in front of me was 6 minutes behind me on the swim and 4! minutes behind me on the T1 transition, but he spanked me on the bike and the run. Looks like I know what needs improving
• If I were a woman, I would have placed 5th in my age group.
• The guy who came out of the water after me, about 40 seconds behind, took 1:09 to do T1. I’m betting he RAN through T1 and had his shoes already on his clips. That’s fast. It probably takes 45 seconds just to get from the swim exit to the T1 exit. Wow. He only beat me by 17 seconds in T2 (0:50 compared to 1:07) which further makes me think he’s a shoe-on-bike GO GO GO kind of person
• If I want to be competitive in my age group, I need to drop my 10k to 45 minutes (7:15 pace) and get my biking speed up to 20 mph. Then I can start being in the top 10. I have no real desire to do what needs to be done to place in the top 3.

¹A guy I was standing next to in the line for the porta-potties remarked to me, “I hear the swim in just less than a mile! [ed: it is]” to which my unspoken response was, “you mean you didn’t check to see how far we’re swimming?” That was weird.

²Yes, I know it’s hypocritical to chastise people for depending on english units and then turning around and using them for my race evaluation, but most courses are marked by mile and not by kilometer and that’s how we train and think. Still, it doesn’t absolve people of knowing kilometer to mile conversions.

³the race results are lying to you. I’m not sure what they’re measuring in order to calculate the average bike speed, but the difference between 18.2 mph (results) and 17.7 mph (my bike computer) is 2.3 minutes. That’s a big difference, one that is difficult to write off due to small measurement anomalies. I’m sticking with my bike computer.

I hate getting emails with a signature similar to this one:

The information contained in this email and any attachments is confidential and may be subject to copyright or other intellectual property protection. If you are not the intended recipient, you are not authorized to use or disclose this information, and we request that you notify us by reply mail or telephone and delete the original message from your mail system.

Another good example is:

This e-mail and any attachments are confidential. If you receive this message in error or are not the intended recipient, you should not retain, distribute, disclose or use any of this information and you should destroy the e-mail and any attachments or copies.

Although I admit that these particular examples are tame compared to

This email message and any files transmitted with it may contain PRIVILEGED AND/OR CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION INTENDED FOR THE USE OF THE ADDRESSEE. If you are not the addressee you may not copy or forward the message or any file with it. If you have received this message in error, or you have not received it properly, PLEASE NOTIFY THE SENDER IMMEDIATELY BY CALLING (770) 813-0882 or by sending a message to:

And this one I’ve received is the grand prize winner

This e-mail may contain confidential and/or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient (or have received this e-mail in error) please notify the sender immediately and destroy this e-mail and any attachments. Any unauthorised copying, disclosure or distribution of the material in this e-mail and any attachments is strictly forbidden. The views expressed in this email are not necessarily the views of Microvision, and the company, its directors, officers or employees make no representation or accept any liability for its accuracy or completeness unless expressly stated to the contrary. This e-mail and any attachments have been scanned for viruses by ***** but ***** will not be liable for direct, special, indirect or consequential damages arising from alteration of the contents of this message by a third party or as a result of any virus being passed on.

I don’t get email from lawyers so I can’t say if theirs is better or not.

What bugs me about all this crap is several points: One, it’s ridiculous, and you can’t force me to forget something that you personally screwed up. If I go out into the city square and shout out my bank account and routing number, that’s my own damn fault and appending a nicely worded disclaimer isn’t going to make it “didn’t happen”. Two, email in an open format—and I’ve never received an encrypted email, EVER—is subject to being read by third parties. That’s a fact, so deal with it and don’t send important information over unsecure media. Three, this crap is meaningless as soon as it passes over international borders into some country that does not have the same laws we Americanians do. Four…it’s ridiculous and it eats up bandwidth.

This could all be solved if people ensured the security of their important emails. I mentioned earlier that I’ve never received an encrypted email. That’s not entirely true. I have received plenty of emails that are digitally signed. Unfortunately, a digital signature doesn’t mean no one can read it besides the recipient, it only means that once I’ve read your very-important-email-containing-vast-world-secrets, I know that it came from you and not someone else. Of course, I have no process by which to verify the digital signature and check to make sure it’s yours. Plenty of digital signatures are slapped on there by random programs like MS Word which is vulnerable to third party attacks (Check out all the wikipedia articles about email encryption for info about digital signatures and secure email transactions). I’ll be the first person on board if anyone wants to exchange keys and start sending encrypted emails back and forth. From a paranoid, long-term point of view, I think it makes great sense to start sending encrypted traffic out the door long before you actually need to do it. That way, if anyone is investigating, they won’t wonder why you’re suddenly encrypting your data stream.

Suffice to say that these signatures are stupid and I don’t look forward to the day when I have to fight with a corporate lawyer in order to not include one on my own email.

———–
Alan Williamson blogs about and cites another dude concerning this topic.

Several years ago I was bored and purchased a set of lockpicks for my own amusement. I was quickly horrified by just how easy it was for me, with no skill, to go through the locks on my apartment, my former dorm room, my office, etc. It was simple, with no mechanical aptitude required for the majority of locks. Ironically, the most trouble I’ve ever had was with crappy filing cabinet locks.

Now, I’ve learned another way to get through a lock. I haven’t tried it, but I don’t need to to know that it works. It’s so simple, i’m depressed. It’s called Lock Bumping, and you can read about it here.

Simply enough, you file an existing key, or key blank, so the pins in the tumbler are sitting at their lowest setting, then you bump the angles on the key against the pins which sends the topmost portion up into the lock just like a set of billiard balls. If you’re putting the right force on the key, an dyou’re turning it correctly, Voila!, the lock is open.

It’s too easy. I’m going to go buy myself a rabid dog.

Gakked from Whil Wheaton.net

30 Years of Video Games.

The 5 short stories nominated for the Hugo Award are available to be read, for free, and they’re conveniently linked by SF Signal. They are all, with the exception of “Last Contact” by Stephen Baxter, going to be on Escape Pod, too, in the next few weeks (”Tideline” was last week).

My calls:

“Last Contact” by Stephen Baxter: Good story. Nice Dialogue. Depressing as hell.
“Tideline” by Elizabeth Bear: Good Story. Traditional. Predictable. Happy. I liked this one well enough.
“Who’s Afraid of Wolf 359?” by Ken MacLeod: I loved this story. A bit campy, but I still loved it. It’s my favorite of the five. I asked Steve Eley if I could read it for Escape Pod, but it didn’t work out due to scheduling. [sigh]
“Distant Replay” by Mike Resnick: Weird love story. No idea what it really meant. Not my kind of story, but others may like it.
“A Small Room in Koboldtown” by Michael Swanwick: Good story in the vein of a hard-boiled detective short set in a fantasy setting. I liked it.

So, if I were a member of WorldCon, I’d vote for “Who’s Afraid of Wolf 359″. One of these days, I’ll go to that con.

I know that there are people who read my blog who aren’t otherwise in contact with me. For those people (and anyone else who cares to respond here, rather than the emails I sent out) I have a question:

Do you have any strong objections to red light running enforcement cameras? If so, why?

Apparently, My Wife is an evil, elitist, america-hating communist.

My favorite part of this article is the “Crimes by Professors” section. They couldn’t find anyone denied promotion for stealing reams of paper?

Edit 0715:

It is to laugh…

Were you aware, Peter, that 95% of our schoolteachers are members of a secret Atheist cabal dedicated to brainwashing our precious innocent children, and the remaining five percent are astro-vampires?

Do you like science fiction? I like science fiction. I like science fiction because so much of science fiction is fucking hilarious.

For example. John Scalzi. I’ve read this story several times, but I read it again today and I’m sitting here, at my desk, at work, trying not to advertise the fact that my guts are quaking with suppressed glee.

“…INEXPLICABLY ENCASED IN AN ENORMOUS BLOCK OF UNFLAVORED GELATIN.”

That’s funny.

I edit my wife’s papers and articles. Usually this is pretty boring (sorry sweetie!) but occasionally it’s downright funny. Mostly because of Autocorrect, which occaisionally inserts some odd words. Such as this one:

… the popularity elves of other categories could lead to issues.

And for your amusement, here was my comment on the paper:

I’m certain that the popularity elves will cause problems, but I’m betting we can exterminate these pests

How would you have commented on this sentence? Best response wins my admiration.

My friend Tom Sisson brought to my attention a recent post to the Flying Spahetti Monster website. The proprietor posted a ranting screed that he had received via email. It’s amusing to read, especially if you hie to pastafarianism, but I think the funniest line is:

You people think any thing you feel like thinking just because you like to think about things.

That is art, man. People go whole careers without writing something so pithy.